One of those

Ever had a morning like this?

Yeah, me too.

A Memory

I've been overwhelming myself with the holidays trying to make things for our new friends in WA and get Christmas all ready for a 4-year-old who really believes in Santa, and it's exhausting. I'm about done with being a grown-up and would like a day off, please. Ha ha. But I've taken refuge in a memory of when I was in high school. I had this blocky low-backed chair that was extra wide and I fit in it perfectly with my legs crossed, or draped over the arms, or using the arms as a headrest, etc. Best chair ever. I remember one day I was reading a book in my chair (no idea which book it was) and sitting with my head in the corner of the armrest and the back and one leg draped over the other armrest and being so comfortable and completely content. I wouldn't mind another day like that.

I miss that chair.

Saturday adventures

This past Saturday Jeremy had to work. I've been dying to put up some Christmas lights so the kids and I got all ready to go to the store to pick some lights up and last minute I decided to go measure the deck railing so I would know how many to get. Mr. T dutifully accompanied me outside, we measured, and went back inside to write it down. Only we couldn't get back inside because the door was locked. The back door was locked, the sliding door still had the dowel in it and none of the accessible windows were unlocked. Brooke was in her carseat (tender mercy!) in the house. T and I went over to the neighbors to use their phone and called the landlord. He only has a key to the sliding glass door. But we found a window in the upstairs bathroom unlocked and rolled an oil barrel underneath it so I could slide in. Brooke was sweaty from being all bundled up in her carseat and crying because she wasn't with Mom but was otherwise unharmed. So, an hour after we got ready to get out of the house we finally went to the store! Where I made several copies of my key.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today has been so great. The kids slept in until 8:15, which is like noon for non-parents, and it felt so good to lounge in my bed. I haven't done that in ages. When we did get out of bed there was no stress to cook because some friends from church invited us over to their house for Thanksgiving dinner, and I was just bringing some caramelized green beans that take 20 minutes to cook. So we played and hung out all morning and went over for dinner/lunch at 1:30. Got to talk and hang out with adults for a few hours and came home, got a super tired and hungry baby to bed and relaxed. Jer and I played a game of Chinese checkers with Mr.T and got him to bed, and now we get to relax until our own bedtime. All in all just a wonderful, relaxing holiday. I hope you had a Thanksgiving day that met your needs, too.

P.S. Now it's time for Christmas!!!

I wrote a song

I listened to Sarah Bareilles' Brave today (thanks for the recommendation Jennifer!) and had some musical inspiration while I was bathing baby B. I wrote down the lyrics, adjusted them a little and added a few more, and the melody just came to me as I wrote the words. An hour later I decided that I wanted to remember the melody the way it was right then, so I made a video of me singing it. Here it is:

Music Reviews: Update 1

I asked my friends on Facebook and this blog to recommend some music to me, and here are the early results:

Ylvis, What does the fox say: First time I watched it I thought it was the stupidest thing ever, but it's so catchy! The jury is still out on this one.

Phillip Phillips, Gone gone gone: I really like it, and the music video was awesome too.
Phillip Phillips, Home: Turns out I had been working out to this song and I had no idea who sang it! I really like Philip Philips.

Sarah Bareilles, Brave: Love it. Love love love it.

Muse, Madness: I liked the retro feel, it was a little like listening to an old David Bowie song with a little more awesome added.

Passenger, Let Her Go: I like the song, but the singer's voice is a little annoying to me. Not my favorite.

P!nk, Try: P!nk isn't my favorite, but this was a good song.

Katy Perry, Roar: A fun one to jam to.

Labrinth, Beneath Your Beautiful: Beautiful voices, and the song's not bad.


I have quite a few more to go, so I'll keep updating this as I go along. Thanks for the suggestions, I'm really loving them!

Demons by Imagine Dragons
Imagine Dragons-  Radioactive 
Mirrors by JT
Wake Me Up by Avicci


florence and the machine, 
zac brown band, 
carly rae jepson, 
cups by anna kendrick
I LOVE the group 'Fun'
Pandora "Indie Pop"
A Beautiful Mind soundtrack.
Michael Buble, Mindy Gledhill, Owl City, Wailin' Jennys and Relient K stations.
Adele and Trai
Lindsey Stirling    

Music for a musician

I typed up this whole history of the different music I've listened to, but it got lengthy and boring, so I'll get to the point. :)

My CDs were all stolen several years ago and ever since then I've noticed that I haven't been listening to a lot of music. And I have no idea what's popular right now. I'm wondering what is one of your favorite songs to listen to right now? I figure I can look them up on Youtube and find a new favorite. :)

This is for Jennifer

I saw this, and the first person I thought of was you, Jennifer. Love you. :)

It's September! Not that it changes anything, really.

I had an epiphany today. A friend had posted on Facebook that it was a "Shut up, child" kind of day, and I had one of those days yesterday. A day when everything Tayvin said was so annoying and he was trying to boss me around and it was really driving me up the wall. (And of course I have to think, 'Really? You're letting a 3-year-old get to you?' But that's another discussion entirely). I got to thinking about why, and one of the reasons is this: when you spend all day with someone, anyone, they can get annoying. When you spend all day, every day with that same someone, you're going to have to take breaks or you'll go nuts.

I remember when I was a kid spending all weekend with the same one friend. We hung out all the time and talked and played. But after two or three days with her she was starting to drive me nuts. Certain things she said, the way she did things, were getting annoying. It was a relief when I went home and could take a break to forget those things that were getting on my nerves. Now that I'm older it's easier to be more patient and loving and to ignore annoying things people do because I know I do annoying things myself, but that it's also quite natural to need a break from humanity.

It's difficult when the people you're with every day are your children because you're supposed to love them. To be kind and thoughtful and loving... until they asked for the fifth time what you said or did or what you're holding or what you're doing when they have two eyes and can see so why are they asking and Mommy you need to do it this way even though that's what I'm doing and GAAAH!!! Which is why I think that someday in the future when Tayvin starts going to school we might get along better because I'll get a break. I will miss him while he's gone, and appreciate him more when he's home. So the trick right now is teaching and loving him while he's here so he'll want to come back when he's old.

Happiness Month Day 29

After I posted for the 31st I realized that I forgot the 29th. Brilliant. But I actually remember the 29th because we had the car! We went to the park with some friends, and I am always happy to get out of the house and talk with my friends.

Happiness Month Day 31

On Saturday I went to the store to get some groceries and on my way home I spotted a yard sale. I pulled over just to take a look and they had rows of baby and children's clothes for boys and girls. I went to town. The lady running it had grocery bags and was charging $5 a bag, stuffed as full as you want. I filled three bags with clothes and shoes for Tayvin and Brooke. I got 2 pairs of shoes for Tayvin and I think 8 for Brooke in different sizes. I usually do not buy used shoes, but these were in really good shape. Surprisingly good. One pair of shoes for Tayvin can easily cost $15, so getting all those shoes plus two bags of clothes for that price was great. I'm always happy to score a good deal.

The last day! I didn't remember to do this daily, but I did get one for each day. I'm glad I did this. I want to keep it up, but not daily. That way I can think more about it and maybe get some more pictures in.

Happiness Month Day 30

I'm trying to remember last Friday and it's a blank. I know we went out to dinner a couple of times last week, and went to the park with some friends, but none of that was on Friday b/c we didn't have the car that day (that's how I divvy up my week, days with/without the car). It must have been a carefree, uneventful day, and that's ok. I'm happy with that.

Happiness Month Day 28

Yesterday was a little crazy. I had just stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around myself to make a dash to my bedroom when I heard voices upstairs.

Someone was in my house. Other than Tayvin.

Cue panicky run to bedroom, throwing clothes on and dashing upstairs. Thankfully, it was just a neighbor who I know really well and her son who wanted to come and play with Tayvin (of course on the day when he's just wearing a shirt and underwear b/c all of his pants and shorts are dirty and it's laundry day. Lovely.)

I'm happy that what could have been disastrous turned into a nice playdate for Tavyin and Mommy talking time for me, but I had a long talk with Tayvin later about opening the door, as did Daddy after he got home from work. Maybe it's time to put a chain on the door since the deadbolt and lock on the doorknob are not Tayvin proof.

Happiness Month Day 27

It took some doing, but today we finally brought my piano home!

We asked a friend if he could help us tow a trailer with his truck and asked a couple more guys to help us lift it. After renting a trailer that cost more than I spent on the piano, it is now at home and all cleaned up!

 

It was dirty. Really dirty. We got it in the house and I started vacuuming and Jeremy bust out the Liquid Gold (it's his favorite wood cleaner. I don't blame him, the almond scent smells a-MAZ-ing!). After I scared a spider out of one of the wheels we switched jobs. It was a pretty big spider, but I was wearing my riding boots so that sucker got squished. An hour later and it looks pretty good! Later I pulled out the bottom wooden piece and fixed the center pedal and vacuumed in there too. Now for a few minor repairs (I hope...) and a tuning and we'll be good to go!

Happiness Month Day 26

I have finally buckled down and started to teach Tayvin his letters. Jeremy has been trying sporadically, with me filling in occasionally, but I finally decided that it was time for me to stop being lazy and teach my son how to read. We've been looking at pictures of the letters, cutting them out of paper and coloring them and singing the alphabet song as we put the cut out letters in order. He know a couple of them by sight, but we're going to be doing this for a while. But Tayvin loves spending time with Mommy and Daddy, and this is a great way to do it.

Happiness Month Day 25

Today after church Tayvin's sunbeam teacher told Jeremy that when she asked Tayvin why he liked his family he told her "because I love my mommy and daddy and baby." :)

Happiness Month Day 24

I finally found a piano! I've been searching Craigslist and local Classifieds for weeks looking for a decent piano. I found a list of yard sales and a local church was having a rummage sale including a piano! We had to drop Jeremy off at work Saturday b/c he was working a half day, so we got to the church nice and early. I tried playing it first, and it sounded pretty good.

Guess how much it cost?

$20. Woohoo!

A few of the keys need a little work (one of them hits two keys at once. Maybe I could play learn some atonal pieces...) but overall it plays and sounds pretty good. Now the only challenge is how to get it home...

Happiness Month Day 23

Tayvin has been learning how to use scissors to cut paper. He has also been watching a show called The Wild Kratts, which is about animals. Combine the two, and Tayvin has been cutting out sperm whales and has a whole family of them now. He is too cute!

Considering that this is what a real sperm whale looks like:

I think they look pretty similar!

Happiness Month Day 22

Whew! I got behind. On Thursday I watched this video, and this man's incredible perseverance and talent floored me. It really made my day.

Happiness Month Day 21

I had a very minor surgery today. It went well, but I look like I had a lobotomy.

Head wraps are coming back in style, right? Although I don't think this is what they had in mind. It can come off in a day or two though, so I'll live. :)

P.S. This was taken in my lovely master laundry room/bathroom. I know you were wondering what my water heater looked like.

Happiness Month Day 20

Yesterday I went to Wenatchee to do a little retail therapy somewhere besides Walmart. Jeremy has Tuesday's off so he stayed home with Tayvin and I took Brooke with me. Not only did I get to see my cousin, who is awesome and fun and took me to Costco, but I got five more fish! They're looking pretty good.

They weren't posing very well, but at least I got all of them in the picture (minus the plectostamus, aka sucker fish).

Happiness Month Day 19

Brooke had her 4-month checkup today. She is in the 77th percentile for weight and the 95th percentile for height! She's a big girl for her age. Last night when I was feeding her she fell asleep and was holding on to my finger so tight. I love my sweet little baby.

Happiness Month Day 18

I teach the 10-11 year olds in church and I wasn't prepared for my lesson today. I had planned on reading it over during sacrament meeting, but Brooke's diaper exploded before they even started the announcements. We're studying the Doctrine and Covenants and Church History and today's lesson was pretty intense. It was about Governor Bogg's extermination order and Haun's Mill. I pretty much just read the stories out of the book, and when I was done I apologized for doing so much reading. But one of the boys (my class is 5 boys and 1 girl) said, "That's okay, it was nice to hear the stories." They were all pretty attentive while they were listening and we talked a bit about why the members of the Church were being persecuted and politics at the time, which they seemed interested in. It turns out that sometimes they actually do have the ability to focus.

What I learned? Never underestimate the power of a child's mind.

Happiness Month Day 17

My chest freezer is no longer a table! Yesterday I finally got rid of all the junk we wanted to send to the thrift store and had been too lazy to take care of. It only took 2 1/2 months.

Happiness Month Day 16

I think I have finally discovered how I can always be in a good mood.

Sleep in. Seriously. I have found that on days when I get to lay in bed until 8:00 am without feeling the stress of forcing myself awake I am a much happier and patient person, which really help with the daily mothering I am currently working on. The awesome thing? If Jeremy gets Tayvin breakfast, I usually do get to sleep in. Brooke often sleeps until 8am, sometimes later, and I really need that extra hour of I'm partially awake but really don't want to get out of bed.

The scientific equation of this theory is as follows: Sleep = Happy.

Happiness Month Day 15

It's my Birthday!

And that's a very happy thing.

Happiness Month Day 14

Yesterday I almost got a free piano. It's an old upright grand that looked great, but when I played it I was pretty disappointed. The amount of money I would need to put into it to get it playable again would be the same I could spend on a piano in better shape. But! We got to go on a nice walk to see the lady with the piano since I was car-less, and I still get to dream of having a piano. :)

Happiness Month Day 13

Today is my birthday!

Well, at least present-wise. Jeremy and Tayvin surprised me with an early birthday because Jeremy is going to be gone late for the rest of the week and he had today off. Yay! I got some homemade cards and kitchen gear. Jeremy knows exactly where my heart is: my kitchen.

Happiness Month Day 12

This wasn't the best day, but I got a bag of Reese's minis and that helped. Also, Tayvin was telling Jeremy a "bedtime story" and it went kind of like this:

"A boy went to his grandma's house and she had treats! And his Mommy let him have treats! The end."

Pretty darn adorable.

Happiness Month Day 11

I found some dresses for Miss B on clearance today! I love shopping for my little girl. :)

Happiness Month Day 10

I've been reading a lot of blogs about parenting and anger, and feeling pretty guilty. I get angry with Tayvin a lot, and that's when the Mommy from the Black Lagoon comes out and I end up yelling or spanking when it wasn't needed. But I blog I read yesterday really hit home. A Mom was in a similar situation and one day realized that her children were afraid of her, and she didn't want that. I feel the same way. I've been working on this for the past few months, but this week I've been feeling a lot more patient and have been able to keep myself under control. I talk to Tayvin instead of yelling. I send him to his room instead of spanking. And I'm learning to slow down and let him learn instead of constantly telling him to hurry up and get things done. I still have moments where I get angry, I'm not perfect. But I feel a lot more at peace with how I'm raising my son, and I plan on keeping it that way.

Happiness Month Day 9

I had a friend call on Friday and invited us to a game night at their house. I was able to find a sitter to house-sit while the kids slept and we had a great time with a few other couples from our ward. We have fit in here so nicely. It's like snuggling in between two pillows, it's that comfortable. I'm really glad to have been able to make new friends so quickly and without being so awkward like I was in Savannah. I think we'll be staying for a while, and that is a happy feeling.

Happiness Month Day 8

Both of my kids napped at the same time on Thursday. That rocked. Happiness achieved. :)

Happiness Month Day 7

Yesterday was a tiring but good day. My visiting teachers brought their kids over and Tayvin had a blast playing with them. We went on a walk to the library and city hall to pay our water bill (they're only 5 blocks away) and it was really hot. Jeremy had to work later than usual and I was really tired, so I called him up and asked him to bring me a stiff drink. He came home with a 2-liter of Barq's root beer and some mint Oreos. That's how we roll. :)

Happiness Month Day 6

I am so happy to have had amazing roommates when I was in college. I'm still good friends with these girls, and they have done so much for me. Like introducing me to Nutella. ;) Love you, Jennifer!

Happiness Month Day 5

Today I am happy that when it rains, I will always have a rainbow.

Happiness Month Day 4

Brooke is a little ball of happy.

Which makes me happy.

Happiness Month Day 3

Yesterday didn't feel super happy b/c my blood sugar is still out of whack. We did have some friends from church invite us over to swim and have dinner, so that helped turn the day around. Any meal I don't have to cook is a good meal. :)

Happiness Month Day 2

Today I am happy that my foul mood was fixed by eating lunch. I thought I was having a bipolar episode or something because I hated everything this morning. Then I made lunch and all of a sudden the clouds parted and my outlook on life completely changed. It's amazing what replenishing my blood sugar will do to my outlook on life.

Note to self: Pack a snack, woman!

Happiness Month!

My awesome friend Katie posted a blog about her discovery that August is Happiness Month. I'm going to follow her example and try to post something every day this week that made me happy.

Thursday August 1 - Our ward YW provided free babysitting for us and several other young couples in the ward, so we and the other parents went to Dairy Queen to get ice cream and hang out sans kiddos. Getting to talk to other adults made me happy.

Yay!

Thought spew

Today the Facebook status prompt said, "What's on your mind?"

I had no idea what to write.

But that's not for lack of material. More because there's so much going on in my mind right now that I don't even know where to start. So I decided to let my mind spew forth onto my blog in the hope that it would bring a little order to my thoughts.

So now, presenting in no particular order of importance, my thoughts for the past few days:

• We're thinking about buying some property here to build on. It's 40 acres, with only about 12 of them buildable; the rest is a hill and it borders public state-owned land. We could run cows on it and build our personal dream home. We might be able to get a beginner rancher loan for it. We could get a rural land loan. We don't have any money for a down payment. Can we afford this and our rent and our student loans? Yes, but on a tight budget. It's an option. Could we actually get a loan from anyone for just land? Don't know.
• There are a ton of houses for sale, and a lot of them are really, really nice. Do we just buy a house instead of taking the time to build one? We are both capable remodelers and it would be easier to get a rural home loan with no down payment. 
• Do we buy another car? There have been over a dozen times since we've moved here that we have lamented not having a truck. If we get another vehicle I want it to be big enough to fit our entire family in it comfortably. I want it to be my get around vehicle. Do I want my "car" to be a quad-cab, 3/4 ton truck? That's what Jeremy wants, and I'm sick of driving our tiny car around with the car seats and Tayvin kicking the back of the chair b/c he has so little leg room. Do we get a light SUV instead that gets better gas mileage? Do we just make do and wait? 
• Tayvin got in trouble yesterday for throwing something because he was made that I turned the TV off. I'm trying to teach him that the TV is not worth throwing tantrums over and that throwing/hitting/kicking when we're angry is unacceptable. I sent him to his room, explained why, and he got a timeout. I felt like a great mom b/c I didn't yell or lose my temper. I was totally calm about disciplining him. Then when I went in to talk more about why he had a timeout I asked, "Do you know why we don't hit?" He replied, "Because I'll get in trouble." I almost started to cry. I felt like a failed parent. He had no idea why it was wrong to hit and throw and kick at things. Looking back it's easier to realized, 'Duh, he's 3!' But it was a little devastating, especially since I had been feeling so good about myself. Life right now is about taking it a day at a time.
• I can't find my camera battery chargers anywhere. We have two because I lost the original one when we were in Idaho. After we moved to Washington we found both of them and Jeremy put them somewhere so we wouldn't lose them again. Haha.
• Brooke is 3 months old and can roll over onto her tummy from her back! She's done it several times now, so I know it wasn't a fluke. She also wiggles and turns herself around at night.I go to get her in the morning and she has turned around 180 degrees.
• For the first time in a long time I feel really happy about like. I like where we are, we have income to get some of the things we want and to start saving up. I feel more relaxed and find it easier to be patient with Tayvin. Not all the time, but a whole heck of a lot more than when we lived in Georgia and Idaho. Maybe it's just breast-feeding hormones, but whatever it is, it feels great.
• I am really frustrated by the abortion debates going on in politics right now. Any woman who has ever born a child and is for abortion is a hypocrite. Abortion is intentional death, which is murder, and babies are babies, whether in the womb or out. I cannot imagine how anyone can see otherwise without deluding themselves.
• I'm ready for fall and winter. Summer is my least favorite season, it's way too hot. Not nearly as bad as Savannah, but still not fun to be out in.
• My teeth are in horrible shape from this last pregnancy. Brushing my teeth made me nauseous and made me throw up a lot, so I got out of the habit. Nasty, I know. And my teeth are paying the price for it now. I've had nightmares about my teeth falling out. Creeeepy.
• The fish tank got set up a couple weeks ago and the two angelfish I bought for it died. :( The two platies are still alive, but I got them just to have some color. I would have rather seen them die than my angelfishes.
• Brandon Sanderson is my favorite author ever. I'm working on reading every book he has ever written, and I'm almost done with the list. I finally bought my own copy of The Way of Kings, which is the longest book I have ever finished, and the only book I've ever wanted to read again right after I finished it.
• I'm learning to like zucchini. I made zucchini pasta with spaghetti and roasted tomatoes in a light cream sauce and it wasn't too bad. My chocolate zucchini bread (cake) recipe rocks.

And that's it for now.

Boyd K. Packer

I saw this quote and thought it had a great visual, so I made this.

Sane Parenting

I've had this thought rolling around in my mind for that past while, and it solidified into an idea when I mentioned it to my cousin. We were talking about our kids and being Moms (which all moms talk about with other mom friends, I've decided. It's the one thing we can all relate with each other) and different parenting styles when I realized this: The right parenting is the one that keeps you sane.

Short of abusing your kids, because that is not sanity-induced, whatever parenting methods keep you sane are the right ones.

If attachment parenting keeps you sane, you're doing it right.

If Babywise keeps you sane, you're doing it right.

If mixing those two keeps you sane, you're doing it right.

If playing it by ear keeps you sane, you're doing it right.

If being a helicopter parent keeps you sane, you're doing it right.

I could go on and on, but when it comes down to it your sanity is what enables you to be a good parent. When you are constantly frustrated, angry, sleep-deprived and feel out of control your kids will feel it and bear the brunt of it. We all feel that way sometimes because our kids are constantly changing and learning, but constant stress is not healthy. So do what keeps you sane. We are not perfect. But sanity is something achievable. Usually.

We live!

I have internet at home now!

Seriously, it's been like living in the 90s. We had no internet. Nothing. When I was bored I went outside to pick weeds or did dishes or... was productive.

 Maybe not having internet was a good thing. A good, but also frustrating thing.

• I had little to no contact with my friends who are scattered across the country.
•  We couldn't look up ANYTHING. And EVERYTHING in this day and age is online.
•  I kept on wanting to watch something on Netflix, or look up where to get fishing licenses, or where the local DMV is, and I couldn't unless I toted Brooke down to the library and scanned the web while praying she would sleep or not fuss until I was done. It was stressful.

But that is now over and done, for better or for worse.

We also got our new couches! Hooray! They are really comfortable. It's so nice to have a place to sit other then our kitchen chairs.

 So far I really like it here.

A May Life Update

At the beginning of the month Jeremy flew out to Omak, Washington for a job interview. The clinic he was interviewing for called him way back in March after they received Jeremy's resume and wanted to fly all of us out then, but being in my third trimester put a stop to that. The clinic director told Jeremy that they would wait until after he took his boards and had our baby and then fly him out. So, fast forward 6 weeks and he flys in, gets a tour of the city, the clinic, homes in the area, etc. The doctors take him out to dinner, and he got a surprise visit that evening and another dinner from the head doctor he would be interviewing with the next day. The next morning Jeremy interviewed with the doctor, clinic director, and when he went in to meet with HR they offered him the job! Jeremy kept it a secret from me until he got back, and we kept it a secret from our parents until the weekend. It was really hard not telling my Mom while she was here, but she was so surprised when we told her that it was totally worth it.

Once we had the job, we needed to find a place to stay. I've been scouring the internet and it seems that Omak is behind the times because hardly anything is on the internet. None of the apartment complexes have their own websites, and the only rentals list I could find was in the classified section of the newspaper. I even called the bishop of the Omak ward and spoke with his wife to see if she might have any leads. I had been looking for a place to live for 2 weeks with no luck, when I got a random call on Sunday from a lady in Omak who owns a rental! She had spoken with a lady the bishop's wife had spoken with (and who I had also called and given my information to pass on) and called me to offer a rental home they have in the area. I had actually just finished saying a prayer that we would find a place to live, and then I got the call. That's the fastest answer to a prayer I have ever had. It's a fairly big house with 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms on a hill. I'm just glad we found somewhere with 3 bedrooms so Jeremy and I can have our room back.

So now we are moving at the end of the month and planning on being in Washington by June 1st. I can hardly believe that we're finally moving on with our lives and starting Jeremy's career. It's been a long time, but it has been worth it.


P.S. Something I forgot to mention when I was updating about my post-op was that when I spoke with my doctor he said that I will definitely be safe having more kids, even though my uterus was stretched pretty thin. He said he had seen them much thinner, but that I would have to do a C-section. Understandable. We'll see.

2 weeks later...

Little Miss Brooke is 2 weeks old today!

 (Yes, this is the best picture we could get. There's another one with Brooke making a really hilarious face, but that will be used for blackmail purposes in the future. Like on her first date.)

She weighs 7 lbs 7 oz, just 2 ounces shy of her birth weight. She is 21 inches long, so she's supposedly grown an inch longer. I don't totally trust the methods of the Malad nurses, since at her 1 week appointment they weighed her with her clothes and diaper on, so I'm not sure if she really has grown an inch. But she is very healthy and her slight jaundice is all gone. Her umbilical cord fell off a couple days ago so she now has an adorable little belly button on her round little tummy. She's not quite the voracious eater that Tayvin was as an infant, but we're getting the hang of breastfeeding.

When Brooke was born we opted to not give her the Hep B vaccine yet since there really wasn't a good reason for it. The only time a newborn really needs it is if Mom has Hep B, and I certainly don't. So she had her Hep B shot today, and while she cried when she got poked (they put that needle in deep!) she calmed right down as I rubbed her leg. I was impressed. Then I took her over to the hospital to get her second PKU test done, and the lab tech had to sit there for almost five minutes and hold her foot and squeeze out little drops of blood. There was a lot of crying (just from Brooke, I have become immune to baby cries in a medical capacity. I'm a little heartless.), but she lived. And then took a really long nap.

Tayvin is getting used to his sister. I put her on a blanket for some tummy time yesterday and as soon as he saw me laying on the ground with her he scooted over and gently pushed me out of the way so he could see Brooke. Then he "tickled" her toes, which consists of him wiggling his fingers on her feet and saying, "Tickle, tickle!" I think he's going to be a very sweet big brother.

As for me, I feel pretty good for two weeks after my surgery. My doctor applied a special surgical glue to the outside of my incision for added strength, but it's had time to heal so it was time to remove the glue. The glue had made the incision look larger than it actually was, so after I took it off I was shocked to see how narrow the incision was. It's still a good 6-7 inches wide, but the scar is going to look a nicer than my old one. I am really impressed with the job my doctor did. My recovery has been so much easier than it was with Tayvin. I don't think I lost as much blood this time. I can actually sleep and eat, and I'm not as anxious as I was with Tayvin. So altogether this has been a much better experience, even though the actual C-section was a lot more uncomfortable.

Here's where I get to brag a little. Last time I was at my doctor I had lost 20 pounds, so I'm only 5 pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight. I can button my old jeans, although they're a little snug. And I somehow miraculously escaped getting stretch marks again, so my tummy is just a little flabbier than usual. And no, I didn't use any special lotion or anything on my belly. I'm just part Elastigirl or something. My pregnancy acne has finally cleared up, and I'm starting to get more energy and feel more active. Now the hard part is to not over-do it before my Mom leaves so I can get the rest I need to keep on recovering.

I'm supposed to be able to go back to my old routine by 4-6 weeks after the surgery, so I need to try and take it easy before then. It's hard, though. I want to pick up Tayvin and do laundry and move things around, but I'm not supposed to lift anything over 10 pounds. But you know what? Life could be so much worse. I'm so thankful to have had such a good experience with this birth. I'm thankful I had such a good doctor and surgeon, and a wonderful hubby and a very kind Mom to come and take care of me and my family.

My Birth Story

Brooke is sleeping on my chest as I type this. I love life. :)

Tuesday, April 16th was my due date. Jeremy and I drove up to Pocatello to see my doctor. I had been feeling some contractions, but wasn't sure if I was in labor or not. I got checked, and I was still 0 cm dilated, 0% effaced, and my cervix was high and posterior. My body was not at all in labor. My doctor is awesome, and said we can wait another week to see what happens, we talked about inducing, setting a date for a C-section if nothing happens, and then he left so Jeremy and I could talk about it. I was actually the one who brought up doing a C-section the next day. I had been super uncomfortable, and if my body hadn't gone into any kind of labor at 40 weeks, it seemed unlikely I would in the next week. I did feel like I was throwing in the towel and that my natural-birth friends would think I had given in too early. I'm also probably being much too harsh on them. But there was that sense of failing to do it on my own. But Jeremy and I weighed pros and cons, prayed, and felt that a C-section was the right option, and that we should get it done as soon as possible so I could start healing sooner. That choice might have saved my life.

We scheduled the C-section for 6:30 the following morning, and we had to be there by 5:00, so we had to leave Malad at 4:00. I didn't sleep much thanks to my restless leg syndrome, but we made it. I was still having some contractions, but they weren't too bad. My spinal block (anesthesia) took forever to kick in, and never fully kicked in, so I was really uncomfortable and in some pain. General anesthesia wasn't an option because of my cold, so they did their best to work quickly and as soon as Brooke was out they loaded me up with drugs. My recovery has been uneventful, and Brooke scored a 9 on the Apgar and is continuing to do great. I'm in more pain than I remember being with Tayvin, but I've also been on my feet sooner and eating sooner. And breastfeeding is actually causing the most pain because of the uterine contractions, which are a lot stronger than they were with Tayvin. My actual incision doesn't hurt much at all.

So, how did this C-section save our lives? When Brooke was delivered, not only was the cord wrapped around her neck twice, but there was a true knot in the cord. If we had delivered vaginally, that knot could have been pulled tight and cut off the blood supply.

But the big one was that my uterus was almost paper-thin. The doctor had to sew me up very delicately. If I had delivered vaginally, or if they had induced me at all, there is a very high chance my uterus would have ruptured. Uterine ruptures have a very high rate of infant death, and can cause death in the mother due to hemorrhaging. So while I may have wanted a VBAC, I know the Lord was saving our lives when He inspired Jeremy and me to go with this C-section. Even my doctor (who is also LDS), called this a miracle.

I am so thankful that even though I was in more pain than I should have been, it's nothing compared to actual labor. All you ladies who have been able to deliver naturally, you are amazing. It just wasn't in the cards for me, and I'm ok with that. I'm glad to be alive and have this beautiful little girl in my life. If a C-section is what it takes to make that happen, then so be it. :)

Also, we had been planning on naming her Bridget, and of course this time we told everyone so, but Brooke has been the second name on our list. The night before she was born Jeremy and I were talking about her name and thought Bridget Brooke would be nice. But after she was born Jeremy kept accidentally calling her Brooke, and after I awoke from the haze of anesthesia I saw that she didn't look like a Bridget at all. So we have our little Brooke. :)

Place Your Bets!

Alright.

It's go time.

My due date is on Tuesday. In two days.

I have a Dr. appointment on Tuesday, so we'll get to see if I've progressed at all. But until then, I'm taking guesses as to when baby girl will come.

Just so you have some info: I was barely dilated a week ago. At her last ultrasound she was measuring 3 days behind her due date.

I'm guessing she'll come on the 19th. Mostly because I think it would be kinda cool if my kids were exactly 3 1/2 years apart.

What do you think?

Preparing for the Jump

I went to the doctor again yesterday and am barely, maybe dilated. But honestly, that's a good thing. Jeremy is taking his boards today, and then he leaves tomorrow for Grangeville, ID for a job interview and won't be back until Thursday evening. So baby girl can wait until then to come. (And if any burglar-y types want to come over while Jeremy is gone, I've been itching to use my shotgun.)

After that, we have a week of waiting for baby. And then Jeremy has another interview on the 24th. So baby, you have between the 12th and the 23rd to make an appearance so Daddy can be there. Sound good?

I'm bored, so I blog

I have been pretty bored lately. All the baby clothes are washed, folded and organized in their drawers. The diaper genie pail has been washed and loaded with a new bag. I finished some headbands, and am close to being done with the quilt I've been working on. We have the swing, bouncer, car seat, and bassinet all ready to go. Well, I've been holding off on setting up the bassinet so it won't take up so much space in our room, but I have the bassinet sheets all ready to go on it as soon as we do set it up (I've been itching to put it up. Resist!). We have diapers, wipes, receiving blankets, a couple flannel blankets, the blanket I crocheted, and two more my Mom bought, just in case. My mother bird nesting instincts are kicking in, and I have nothing more to nest! So I blog. :)

I've been a little bummed every time I look at my hands because they are naked. My fingers have been swelling on and off lately so Jeremy asked me to take my rings off so we don't have to worry about them cutting off any circulation. I almost never take off my wedding ring, unless I'm making meatloaf or working with really sticky dough, so it's been weird to not have it on. :(

But, I have things to be happy about:

There are a ton of birds going to town outside my window scratching in the dirt and taking dust baths. Starlings, robins, sparrows, titmouses, and they're all pretty cute.

It's warm outside! Tayvin and I went to the park today and he had a blast.

Jeremy is home! At least, when he's not studying.

Our laptop lives! Tayvin splashed some orange juice on it this morning and I nearly died when I saw. After cleaning it all up and blow-drying the keyboard just in case, it still works.

I have crunchy ice! The local burger place called The Drive-In has crunchy ice like Sonic, so that craving has been fulfilled.

I got to eat the last three mint Oreos.

I laid down on Jeremy's Mom's couch and it was the most comfortable I've felt lying down in weeks.

I made a whole bunch of strawberry jam yesterday and it set b.e.a u-tifully.

I have a gallon of frog-eye salad to enjoy. (It sounds gross, but it's tiny pastas with vanilla pudding, whipped cream, marshmallows, and assorted fruit. Totally delicious right now.)

I just checked out several new books, including the sequel to Stargirl, one of my favorite books, and didn't even know it existed. Or if I did, I had forgotten, so I was still excited to see it at our tiny library.

My little baby girl is still moving around and doing well. That really makes everything worth it.

Waiting for Baby

Jeremy, Tayvin and I headed up to Pocatello today to see my OB/GYN and for me to get checked. I am at 38 weeks, and my cervix isn't dilated at all. Phooey. But I did start having Braxton-Hicks contractions yesterday, so that's a step in the right direction. Two weeks to go! (I hope...)

A Life Update

Jeremy is home!

Two weeks ago Jeremy flew out to Savannah to finish his classes and take the exit exam for his PA program. I am happy to report that he passed and is completely done with PA school! He's going to take "the boards" in a week, which will certify him to practice in all 50 states. He has an interview in Omak, Washington at the end of the month, so we're hopeful that will lead to a job.

My Mom came up to help me out while Jeremy was gone, and Tayvin has been in seventh heaven having another grandma to spoil and love him. She brought her dog, Chipper, who is my favorite furry creature in the world because she is so snuggly. It's actually been a good two weeks, but I am so glad to have Jeremy back. My Yin was missing its Yang.

Last Tuesday I had another ultrasound because my tummy was measuring small. It turns out that I was measuring 3 weeks behind, but thankfully baby girl is totally fine and measuring right on time. What does that mean? Apparently I'm carrying in my back and hips instead of my belly, so that explains the hip pain I've been experiencing and the waddle-walk I've been trying to avoid (with no success). She is head down and ready to go, so maybe I'll actually go into labor this time. Now that Jeremy is home this baby is welcome to come at any time, except for the day Daddy takes the boards. Wish us luck. ;) My due date is April 16th, but I'm thinking that she'll come on the 19th. I think it would be neat if my kids were exactly 3 1/2 years apart.

Making some tentative plans

We've had an interesting week in regards to a job Jeremy applied for. One of the doctors looking at his CV (medical resume) actually called Jeremy last Monday or Tuesday  b/c he liked it so much. The doctor mentioned something about Jeremy coming out and seeing the facilities, so on Thursday Jeremy called to see if they wanted him to come out. A nurse wanted to check with their medical director first, but she was in a meeting, so we were waiting for a couple hours to see if he would be leaving for the weekend or not. He got a call an hour and a half later saying yes, we would like you to come to Washington to see our medical facilities. So I helped Jeremy get packed and out the door in less than 20 minutes and away he went.

Fast forward two hours, and who should open the door but Jeremy.

Huh?

The first words out of his mouth were, "Everything is okay, this is actually a good thing." Which allayed any fears of mine about car troubles or something happening with the job.

It turns out there was a miscommunication between the medical director and the nurse. Yes, they want Jeremy to come out and see their facilites, but they want to fly him out and show him the sights and schmooze a little. They actually want to fly out our whole family, but that's probably not going to happen since the baby is due in 5 weeks. When Jeremy told them I wouldn't be able to come, the medical director told him they would wait until after the baby was born to fly him out, and that he's first on their list. Apparently it's really important to them to find a doctor who is a good fit with their practice, and they're willing to wait for the right time and put the money into finding him. The more research we do on this job, the more it seems like a good fit. We're keeping our fingers crossed!

Eternal Truths

I get Daily Messages emailed to me from lds.org, and today's struck me enough that I wanted to make a graphic for it. It's by Russell M. Nelson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, in an article called "Reverence for Life", Liahona and Ensign, May 1985.

Isolationism

Being sick this weekend really sucked. We had plans to go down to Logan and couldn't because Tayvin was pretty sick, and I had picked it up as well. We're both doing a bit better (it's just a runny nose and cough kind of thing), but I haven't wanted to go outside in the windy cold because we're both sick, and we can't go to things like storytime because I don't want to spread this around Malad. I haven't left the house since Sunday. I actually asked Jeremy what day of the week it was because I wasn't sure. And I'm starting to feel a little depressed. The past three days  I have lost it with Tayvin. I just want him to leave me alone so I can be sick in peace.

I also really, really miss my friends. I miss my friends in Savannah, and my friends out here because they are all so far away. I miss being able to call someone and say, let's get together for lunch, and it happens. I miss having a car to run around in just so I can get out of the house. I miss having playdates. Poor Tayvin asks me to play with him because he doesn't have anyone else. He gets so excited anytime his cousins come over because he actually has someoen to play wit. I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate Malad. I hate being so isolated from everyone. I can't wait to leave, but it seems like life is doing everything in it's power to keep us here. Tonight, I really wish I could go home, wherever that might be.

Math Games

Have you seen the image of a square with many squares inside? It looks like this:

I've always want to prove how I know there are 40 squares, so I went into geek mode tonight and made a super-quick graphic to show you. Like you care.

Malad-y.

Living in Malad kind of sucks.

There are definite pros. We pay no rent or utilites, for which I have my generous mother-in-law to be thankful for. She has been so good to us, I don't really know where to start. We also have instant babysitters for Tavyin, including grandpa, who lives 5 minutes away.

What is getting to me is the boredom. We do pretty much the same things every day, and getting out to "town" is a big deal. Getting out of Malad is an even bigger one because the nearest city that's worth going to for the shopping is Pocatello, then Logan, and both are about an hour away. I don't know anyone here, and I'm used to us socializing with our friends regularly. I'm sad that Tayvin doesn't have any friends to play with, and I don't have any girlfriends nearby to chat with or go to lunch with. There are nice people here who we could get to know, but we're moving in 2-3 months, so what's the point? Of course, I have no idea where we'll be moving to, so that's another item of stress.

Our ward is neat, and I would really like to serve so I would have something to do, but I'm pregnant and am moving soon, so there's no reason to give me a calling. I haven't been called to one yet, and I think doing it now would feel like a waste of time.

The good stuff? I do have friends out here, they're just a couple hours away. Jeremy has been so good about letting me get away for weekends so I can cram in my girl time all at once. I think that has been what's keeping me sane. It was also really nice to have Jeremy so close, and for his schedule to be flexible. If he wanted to take time off, he could. He started a new rotation today that is in Tremonton, about 45 minutes south of us, which stinks b/c he has the car all week, but he also gets 3-day weekends this entire rotation. Jeremy's mom has also said we can use her cars anytime we want.

Really, my life is pretty good right now. I think what stresses me out is the feeling of being in limbo. I'm having a baby in 2 months, and if she comes early there might be a chance that Jeremy will still be in Savannah or taking the PANCE exam. We'll also probably be moving shortly after the baby comes, which will be hard with a VBAC, and nigh impossible if I have another C-section. I have a lot going on in the future that I have no control over and can't plan for, so I have to try and just let it go and live day to day and see what happens.

Our little cabin

We're mostly settled into Malad, and it's a little weird being back here. The last time we lived in the cabin was when Jeremy and I were first married. We lived in Malad for a summer a couple years later and stayed at Jeremy's Mom's house. Jer's Dad lived in the cabin and fixed it up quite a bit while he was here, so it's been a lot nicer than the last time we lived here. There's wood floors in the kitchen and bathroom, and the walls were painted and wallpapered. The biggest difference is the kitchen. Honestly, I think the kitchen will make or break a house for me. This one has a newer stove, dishwasher, microwave, and a walk-in pantry. We will definitely be able to make it here for the next few months.

 Something neat about this cabin is that it's one of the original buildings on the farm. It was supposedly built around 1870, and when we first lived here you could see the logs on the outside. Jeremy's Dad was going to put new siding on (which never happened) so everything is walled off now, but the walls are a foot thick.

Tayvin was being silly while I was trying to take a picture of the door frame, so you can see more of him than anything else, but if you look at the door frame you can see how thick the walls are. Tayvin's room was added on later and the walls are a standard thickness. There's built in shelves behind the door, which is really nice to store his toys. It's a tiny room, but so far it's been working for him.

This is the window in my kitchen. The angle doesn't show it too well, but again,you can see that the walls are so thick. For some reason I really get a kick out of that. The doorways are also super short, they are only 6 feet high. Jeremy barely clears the one leading to our room. I guess the pioneers really were shorter.

And yesterday Tayvin put his snow boots on his doggy and actually posed for a picture instead of being a blurry mess.

While it is much nicer than the last time we lived here, the cabin isn't perfect. It gets really cold, so Jeremy's Mom put in a new furnace/space heater that runs on propane and heats the back room and Tayvin's room pretty well, although we have a little space heater in Tayvin's room, too. We also have a space heater in the kitchen, and I got a little one for our bedroom as well. We've been pretty comfortable, so thank you modern heaters!

This past summer the box elder bugs were also really bad, and when Jeremy's Mom turned on the heat they woke up from hibernation, along with a horde of flies, and have been drunkenly stumbling around the house. Jeremy says they were really bad when he first got here, but he got some Ortho Home Defense and sprayed the house really well before Tayvin and I got here. It seems to be helping. I still find bugs in the house, but they're usually dead or dying, and box elder bugs are easy to squish. It's funny to see the flies, though. They're still too cold to function really well, so they can't escape the fly swatter. Bwahaha.

The good thing? No spiders. I have seen two in the week that we have lived here, and both have been very small. All the same, I'll be glad to leave come spring.

A Baby Update

I meant to update this Tuesday, but I wanted to add some pictures from my latest ultrasound and I finally got around to scanning them today.

We finally got a picture of her face and not her feet or her bum! There are a few more, but this one is the most clear.

Here's what I learned at my last appointment: I can definitely try a VBAC. There are only two doctors at the Pocatello hospital that do VBACs, and mine is one of them.We talked about the risk of uterine rupture, how it's listed as 1% but really it's only .5%, but in almost all cases of uterine rupture the baby dies. That being said, he told me his wife has had 5 successful VBACs, so we're going to give it a try unless I develop pre-eclampsia again. This doctor likes to induce VBACs because he wants to make sure either he or the other doctor is there to supervise. I don't want to induce, but if I get a different doctor they will probably not let me do the VBAC, so we'll see what happens as we get closer. I may go into labor on my own and not need any inducing, which is what I hope will happen.

After my appointment I had another ultrasound and the tech went through everything. She was so thorough and nice, it was a much better experience than my last. Baby girl's growth is now measured around 37%, so she is doing great. Everything is formed correctly, she has ten fingers and toes, and it measuring a week later than the current due date (the same as last time), but they're still saying April 16th is the due date. I thought it was the 17th, but I guess it's a day earlier. We'll see. :)

So there is nothing to report but good news, and we are very excited to finally get all this resolved.