The Baby Bump

It took a long time for me to start showing with this pregnancy. More so than I remember with Tayvin, but I might just be impatient. It's hard to be pregnant and wanting people to know and gush (I'm totally narcissistic like that, hopefully you love me anyways) but not looking like you're pregnant! Especially because in my first trimester I lost so much body mass in my arms, legs and face that everyone who saw me noticed. But the day has finally arrived. My pants were getting too tight even with a rubber band around the button so I bust out the maternity pants and shirts. They are so comfortable! I kinda wish I had normal pants with a waistband like that. And now I have a bump to hold and show off. :)

Honestly, being pregnant is no fun. So it's nice to have something to show for all the nausea, vomiting, aching joints, headaches, exhaustion, etc.

It's a girl! And the drama has already started.

Jeremy and I went in for my ultrasound yesterday to see our little baby. We have an awesome neighbor who watched Tayvin for us while we were gone, and she is doubly awesome b/c it took forever. When we finally got in, the ultrasound tech was annoyed that we hadn't had a 12 weeks ultrasound. She asked if I had late care or something, and when I explained that we just didn't get one because we were paying for it ourselves she asked why we weren't on Medicaid. The answer? Because I don't want to be, at least here in Georgia. Anyways, she started the ultrasound and the first thing we see is a little bottom. The tech looked around, and it would appear that our baby is a little girl! At least, we didn't see any boy parts. ;)

The tech then measured the head, stomach, and leg, and got really anxious because the baby's growth was in the 3rd percentile. She was asking if we were sure about the due date, and asked if we had heard of IUGR. She was also annoyed because she couldn't check the chambers of the heart because the baby was too small. Then she grabbed a nurse and because we're moving they wanted to make sure that we would tell our new doctor about the ultrasound and to make sure I got another. What's frustrating is that if you move the due date back a week the baby jumps up to the 19th percentile, and IUGR is impossible to diagnose without another ultrasound. And an ultrasound tech is not supposed to diagnose anything. That's the doctor's job. But the midwife seemed to ignore it. It felt like since I'm moving, they're just going to pass the buck. I'm really glad I'm not giving birth at this birth center, I have not had a great experience there.

So if I had gone and done the 12 week ultrasound, this might not be a problem. Yesterday I didn't feel like anything was wrong, and felt really calm throughout the visit. I think it helped that Jeremy was there. But today Jeremy is at work and I've been throwing up, and I'm really worried about this little baby. IUGR is intra-uterine growth restriction, and it can cause death in the womb. That's the scariest sentence I've ever written. So I'm in limbo right now because my due date could just be off, or my baby could not be getting enough oxygen in the womb. Or the baby could just be small. Heaven knows petite women run on both sides of our families. But of course my pregnant brain is trained to be paranoid and worry, so that's what I'm doing. So if you can, please keep us in your prayers, and hope that we'll find out everything is ok once we get to Idaho.

Another weekly update :)

I can feel the baby move! He/She has been nudging my belly and pushing his/her back up against my tummy. I felt a kick the other day, too. Yay! That's seriously the best part about being pregnant. It validates all the nausea and pain to know there's a little person in there. We get to find out whether it really is a he or a she in two weeks on Nov. 27! We're hoping for a girl.

Tayvin has been pretty cute lately. Our neighbors across the street got a St. Ber-doodle puppy whose name is Merlin. Merlin is 3 months old and as big as Tayvin, but thankfully he doesn't nip or bother Tayvin too much. And Tayvin tells Merlin, "No sir! No sir, Merwin!" when Merlin jumps on him. So cute. He also was dragging my heating pad around by the cord, getting it caught around corners and chair legs. In the interest of preserving my heating pad, I tied a string around a stuffed puppy so now Tayvin can take it on a "walk" around the house. What does he call the puppy? Merwin. :)

Tayvin has also been going through a defiant stage. It was pretty bad for a couple weeks, but he seems to be coming out of it. I think finishing off the Halloween candy helped. And no candy rationing/stealing here. Tayvin willingly shared his candy with Mom and Dad. He couldn't eat it all day long, and he had to eat meals, but we let him eat quite a bit of his candy. And while he seemed to be naughtier than usual, that had started before Halloween, so I don't think the candy had much to do with it. Science shocker for me: There's no such thing as a sugar rush. Just a sugar downer, actually. Ha, the reason I even started this paragraph was to share the following (I got a little sidetracked. Oops.). I would get pretty angry with Tayvin when he was being defiant or ignoring me when I asked him to do something, but Tayvin started saying something that instantly defused me: "You not angry Mommy, you just cute!" It's hard to stay mad when he's being clever like that. Little stinker.

Jeremy is doing his last rotation in Georgia in a state-run psychiatric hospital. It's just as creepy as it sounds. He's also in the forensics ward, which is where all the criminals are. Those who have been deemed unfit to be put on trial b/c of mental illness. Some of these people are seriously disturbed, but when they are on their medication they make a 180 turn around. There's are some horrible stories, and I'm not sure if I'm technically allowed to share them, but some of the people Jer is seeing are murderers who were listening to the voices in their head. And because they were "insane" at the time, they will be deemed no guilty and the murder will not go on their record. I'm not sure if I agree with that, but that's a discussion for another day. He has three more weeks of this rotation and then he is done here in Georgia. Tayvin and I will fly out to my parent's a week after that, and a week after that Jeremy will start the long drive out to Idaho. Wish us luck!

Fall!

Fall has finally come to Savannah and with it my morning sickness is gone! I'm not completely done being sick period, but I can eat food again and cook again and go in my kitchen without feeling sick. Hallelujah! I'm only four months pregnant now, and with Tayvin it lasted until the seventh, so I am very, very grateful. Monday I made homemade bread bowls and cheddar-broccoli-potato soup, and it was so nice to be back in the kitchen and making yummy food again. Yesterday I actually cleaned Tayvin's bathroom and scrubbed everything down. I won't tell you how long it had been since the previous cleaning. Way too long. It's nice to be able to get back in the swing of things, especially before our move. Jeremy was worried about me being too sick to pack, but that doesn't seem like it will be an issue anymore. I'm ready for the holidays!

This week in review

This past week was incredibly rough. I started throwing up Monday and couldn't keep anything down all Tuesday. Wednesday morning I woke up at 2am and was throwing up every half hour until 7am. I didn't get a lot of sleep. Jeremy finally got some meds in me Wednesday morning, he crushed up a Zofran so it would get absorbed faster and I took a Phenergen as well. Jeremy also made me eat some toast and I got a drink of ice cold water, which felt amazing on my raw throat. All in all, a really horrible way to start the week. Thankfully I was getting better Wednesday and Thursday, and Friday I was ok until I forgot to take my medicine again in the afternoon (sometimes I am dumb). Thankfully today has been good as well. I am so glad to be eating again and able to stand up and walk around without feeling sick.

That being said, my neighbors and friends are awesome. I was in bed for three days, barely able to take care of myself, let alone Tayvin. But every day someone was available to take Tayvin for most of the day so I could rest and be sick by myself, which was a great blessing. On Friday on of my neighbors came over and made me a Tayvin lunch and let him play at her house the rest of the afternoon.

Friday was also Tayvin's birthday, and I had been planning on a big birthday party for him, but that didn't happen. Thankfully he didn't know the difference, and Jeremy made a nice birthday cake. Tayvin got to blow the candles out three times so Dad could get good pictures. :)

Jeremy has been so amazing throughout all of this. He's not super sympathetic, because he warned me that my pregnancies are horrible and no fun, but he is taking care of everything. He's been washing and folding all the laundry, washing the dishes, cleaning the kitchen, making dinner, reminding me to take my meds, playing with Tayvin, and being helpful in every way. I'm so thankful for him. He has my vote for Husband of the Year.

My Mom also mailed Tayvin's birthday present along with a couple Halloween costumes she had stashed away from when my sister and I were kids. One is a dinosaur and the other is a white cat, and they are both in suprisingly great shape considering they're over 15 years old. Tayvin loves to dress up in both, but he's going to be a dinosaur for Halloween. He's a "big scawy T-Wex!"

I really hope that the nausea lets up soon, and that I can keep up with my meds and keeping my stomach full so I don't get sick again. I'm not sure how this upcoming move is going to get done, but I do know that a dozen people have offered to help, so some way or another, it will get done.

Preggo update

So for those of you who are interested and like details, this is what the problem was over the weekend: I was throwing up. Shocking, I know, but the Zofran had been doing a great job of keeping me from throwing up for a full week. Then on Saturday I ate breakfast, but couldn't eat anything else. I would try to think of something that sounded good to eat, and everything sounded gross. I think the hunger gnawing at my stomach made me so nauseous that I threw up. On Sunday it happened twice. But this morning a friend of mine recommended Sam's Club muffins, so I asked another friend to pick some up for me, and that is exactly what my tummy wanted. Thank you for the suggestion Lindsey, and thank you Ashley for getting me food and helping me out so much! Ashley not only brought me some muffins, but made me some lemonade, did a load of dishes and made Tayvin a sandwich. The load of dishes was VERY appreciated.

I called my midwife's office and talked to a nurse. I explained what was going on, all the details, and she was very surprised. She's going to talk to one of the midwives and see if there's anything else we can do, but I really just need to keep on eating. In all honesty, this is not nearly as bad as my pregnancy with Tayvin. That was really awful. I'm still eating and not super dehydrated, but I just don't have the energy to keep up with Tayvin or really play with him. He can tell something is wrong and has been acting out more often than usual. Plus Jeremy started his pediatrics rotation today, so Tayvin has been very sad when Daddy leaves. Let's just pray the nausea ends sooner than it did with Tayvin.

And another baby makes 4

You may remember a post several months ago where I thought I could never have another child. Parenting one was frustrating enough, two sounded unbearable. I felt like that for a while, but then  my heart started to be softened. Jeremy has had several experiences with child neglect in his rotations, and one case where if a child's parents had called an ambulance he would have survived a gunshot wound. But for whatever reason, they brought him in themselves and he died (there was suspected gang activity and/or drug abuse). Jeremy has also seen a lot of women come in to the hospital who didn't know they were pregnant. One woman came in with four children under the age of four, most likely from different fathers, and the doctors came in and told her that she was pregnant and had an STD. She cried. The poor thing, I would too in her shoes.

All of these experiences got me thinking, and I had a bit of inspiration in early May. I was washing the dishes and thinking about all the children who are born to parents who don't want them, or in homes where they will not be cared for, or taught how to reach their potential. I know that any children born in my home will be loved and cared for. They will be taught the gospel of Christ, and given the best education we can give them. They will learn to work, and how to make something of themselves. How many children will not have this opportunity? And I wanted to deprive any more children from a loving home like mine? I realized then that I needed to soften my heart and be willing to bring more children into my home so they could receive the blessings of the gospel. I also knew that the Lord would let me know when that time would come.

A few weeks later towards the end of May I was pretty sick with a flu bug or something. I got sick right before the weekend, so Jeremy was able to take care of Tayvin for me. That Sunday I stayed home in bed while Jeremy and Tayvin went to church. I had been reading the Harry Potter series for the umpteenth time, and decided that I needed to take a break and read some conference talks. After I was finished reading from the Ensign I felt that I should pray. What happened next is so special and personal, but I feel like I should share it. While I was praying I thanked my Heavenly Father for allowing me to be sick at a time when Jeremy would be able to help me so much. I also asked for guidance for the future, and then I felt inspired to say, "I feel that there is a spirit in heaven waiting to join our family, even though I did not know that a minute ago." I knew right then that it was time to get ready to add to our family.

Jeremy has always been so supportive of me and our family. Whenever I asked him if he wanted more kids he would tell me that when I was ready for more kids he would be happy to supply, but he was not under any circumstances going to get me pregnant if I wasn't ready. He remembers the horrors of my last pregnancy a bit more clearly than I do. But when I told him it was time to get ready for another baby, he was immediately on board. He did double check with me. "Are you sure?" was asked several times, but I told him that for me to be any more sure an angel would have to come down and tell me, so Jeremy understood how sure I was.

We are so very blessed to be very fertile. We started trying in May and got pregnant in July. I have several friends who have and are currently struggling with getting pregnant, and my heart goes out to them and all women who have that struggle. Wanting to have children is a righteous desire, and I don't know why the Lord grants to some so easily. But I know He hears our prayers.

At about 6 weeks with this pregnancy I started to feel nauseous. But I didn't throw up until a week ago, and it was just one time in the morning. Then the same thing happened a couple days later, and yesterday was the worst day I have had since I was pregnant with Tayvin. I threw up over 6 times. It was incredibly miserable, especially since my medication didn't seem to be working. I had called a neighbor down the street to see if she could watch Tayvin for me, and bless her she did, and was so willing to help. I am incredibly thankful for my friends who have helped me, and for all my neighbors who have offered to help me. I was worried about being pregnant so far away from any family, but my fears have been assuaged. I am afraid to be pregnant again, but I know this child needs to be in our family, or that we need to have this experience right now. Today has been a blessedly throw-up free day. I actually ate food this morning, some yogurt and saltines with lemonade and water. I had a bowl of cereal for lunch. Considering that yesterday I could only keep saltines and water down for a max of an hour this was a huge blessing.

There is going to be a lot of uncertainty with this pregnancy. We're moving right in the middle of it, and I'll be giving birth somewhere in Idaho. I'm afraid that I will have to have another C-section, which I really don't want. I'm not sure how we will pay for pre-natal care because our current insurance does not have maternity coverage, and I'm pretty sure adding it will significantly increase our monthly premiums, in addition to co-pays and deductibles. I'd really rather not go on Medicaid, mostly for pride, because here in Savannah there's a certain kind of people who go on Medicaid and abuse the system (Jeremy has seen a lot of this in the ER). Thankfully my parents have offered to help us should we need it, and I am so grateful for their willingness to help us out.

Fears and doubts aside, I know that this pregnancy was inspired. I have always felt that the Lord would let me know when it was time for us to have another baby, and I was surprised to have felt it so concretely. I'm thankful for Tayvin, who helps me see that every day of my pregnancy with him was worth it, and it will be the same with this one.