And another baby makes 4

You may remember a post several months ago where I thought I could never have another child. Parenting one was frustrating enough, two sounded unbearable. I felt like that for a while, but then  my heart started to be softened. Jeremy has had several experiences with child neglect in his rotations, and one case where if a child's parents had called an ambulance he would have survived a gunshot wound. But for whatever reason, they brought him in themselves and he died (there was suspected gang activity and/or drug abuse). Jeremy has also seen a lot of women come in to the hospital who didn't know they were pregnant. One woman came in with four children under the age of four, most likely from different fathers, and the doctors came in and told her that she was pregnant and had an STD. She cried. The poor thing, I would too in her shoes.

All of these experiences got me thinking, and I had a bit of inspiration in early May. I was washing the dishes and thinking about all the children who are born to parents who don't want them, or in homes where they will not be cared for, or taught how to reach their potential. I know that any children born in my home will be loved and cared for. They will be taught the gospel of Christ, and given the best education we can give them. They will learn to work, and how to make something of themselves. How many children will not have this opportunity? And I wanted to deprive any more children from a loving home like mine? I realized then that I needed to soften my heart and be willing to bring more children into my home so they could receive the blessings of the gospel. I also knew that the Lord would let me know when that time would come.

A few weeks later towards the end of May I was pretty sick with a flu bug or something. I got sick right before the weekend, so Jeremy was able to take care of Tayvin for me. That Sunday I stayed home in bed while Jeremy and Tayvin went to church. I had been reading the Harry Potter series for the umpteenth time, and decided that I needed to take a break and read some conference talks. After I was finished reading from the Ensign I felt that I should pray. What happened next is so special and personal, but I feel like I should share it. While I was praying I thanked my Heavenly Father for allowing me to be sick at a time when Jeremy would be able to help me so much. I also asked for guidance for the future, and then I felt inspired to say, "I feel that there is a spirit in heaven waiting to join our family, even though I did not know that a minute ago." I knew right then that it was time to get ready to add to our family.

Jeremy has always been so supportive of me and our family. Whenever I asked him if he wanted more kids he would tell me that when I was ready for more kids he would be happy to supply, but he was not under any circumstances going to get me pregnant if I wasn't ready. He remembers the horrors of my last pregnancy a bit more clearly than I do. But when I told him it was time to get ready for another baby, he was immediately on board. He did double check with me. "Are you sure?" was asked several times, but I told him that for me to be any more sure an angel would have to come down and tell me, so Jeremy understood how sure I was.

We are so very blessed to be very fertile. We started trying in May and got pregnant in July. I have several friends who have and are currently struggling with getting pregnant, and my heart goes out to them and all women who have that struggle. Wanting to have children is a righteous desire, and I don't know why the Lord grants to some so easily. But I know He hears our prayers.

At about 6 weeks with this pregnancy I started to feel nauseous. But I didn't throw up until a week ago, and it was just one time in the morning. Then the same thing happened a couple days later, and yesterday was the worst day I have had since I was pregnant with Tayvin. I threw up over 6 times. It was incredibly miserable, especially since my medication didn't seem to be working. I had called a neighbor down the street to see if she could watch Tayvin for me, and bless her she did, and was so willing to help. I am incredibly thankful for my friends who have helped me, and for all my neighbors who have offered to help me. I was worried about being pregnant so far away from any family, but my fears have been assuaged. I am afraid to be pregnant again, but I know this child needs to be in our family, or that we need to have this experience right now. Today has been a blessedly throw-up free day. I actually ate food this morning, some yogurt and saltines with lemonade and water. I had a bowl of cereal for lunch. Considering that yesterday I could only keep saltines and water down for a max of an hour this was a huge blessing.

There is going to be a lot of uncertainty with this pregnancy. We're moving right in the middle of it, and I'll be giving birth somewhere in Idaho. I'm afraid that I will have to have another C-section, which I really don't want. I'm not sure how we will pay for pre-natal care because our current insurance does not have maternity coverage, and I'm pretty sure adding it will significantly increase our monthly premiums, in addition to co-pays and deductibles. I'd really rather not go on Medicaid, mostly for pride, because here in Savannah there's a certain kind of people who go on Medicaid and abuse the system (Jeremy has seen a lot of this in the ER). Thankfully my parents have offered to help us should we need it, and I am so grateful for their willingness to help us out.

Fears and doubts aside, I know that this pregnancy was inspired. I have always felt that the Lord would let me know when it was time for us to have another baby, and I was surprised to have felt it so concretely. I'm thankful for Tayvin, who helps me see that every day of my pregnancy with him was worth it, and it will be the same with this one.