Face-break

I've been substitute teaching for a music teacher for the past six weeks, and it has really helped me put my life in perspective. Many things happened, including

• I lost over 10 pounds. Not being able to snack all day long and sticking to 3 meals a day made a huge difference for me.
• I stressed a lot over who was going to watch my kids. I had several friends take turns, although one watched her a ton and was absolutely amazing. Towards the end I really felt that I had worn out my options though, so it was hard.
• The stress was so bad I actually got even more sick after I was already sick.
• I missed being with my children so, so much.
•  I realized that maybe I don't love teaching as much as I thought. I really, really enjoyed working with the kids, but it was incredibly demanding. Teacher friends, you are amazing marathon runners. Your endurance is off the charts. I applaud you.
• I stressed.
• A lot.

Realizing how much I missed my kids was a game changer for me. They had started to feel like such a pain and such an obligation. I honestly wondered if I had just had children to be obedient to God's command to multiply and replenish the earth. The negative feelings were often overwhelming and turned to a lot of frustration and anger. That isn't to say that we never had any good times, but I was not in a loving frame of mind most of the time.

Needless to say, a change was in order. And feeling love and wanting to like my children again is such a blessing. Yes, there are still frustrating moments, but I can enjoy the other moments a lot more now too. Getting off Facebook is the big one. It was self-fulfilling, but didn't fulfill anything. I spent hours reading posts and articles and memes, and accomplished nothing. Time I should have spent actually with friends or family was spent in front a computer screen. So I'm taking a break from Facebook, not sure for how long. Hopefully now I can go back to doing things I enjoy, like gardening, cooking, reading, etc. Cheers!