A Particle of Faith

Last summer I was called to be our ward’s Gospel Doctrine teacher. It was a shock, but I accepted. I love to teach, and was thankful to have an opportunity to do so. I felt the Spirit very strongly as I studied and prepared my lessons each week, and felt the Spirit touch me more in my life as well. Yet as summer turned into fall I felt my own spirituality failing. I felt dissatisfaction with my life and could not pinpoint the source. I felt unworthy of God’s love and when I heard the General Authorities offer praise to the faithful in General Conference I could only think, “But not me. I’m not good enough.” However previous experience had taught me to look in the scriptures when I felt doubt and I found Alma 32:27:

“But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe it, this desire will work in you even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words."

As I read that scripture tears came to my eyes. I didn’t know why my faith was weak, but I did have a desire to believe. I wrapped this scripture and that desire around my testimony and held on to it tightly. We have been taught that when we are not pressing forward and progressing with our testimonies that we are in fact moving backwards. But I believe that holding on to our faith and the iron rod and refusing to let go when we are tempted to leave requires just as much strength and fortitude as forward progression.

I continued to teach Gospel Doctrine and read my scriptures and pray. Sometimes I would miss for a few days and weeks, but I still kept Alma 32:27 in my mind. My particle of faith and desire to believe sustained me for over 6 months until that fog of dissatisfaction lifted and I allowed the Lord’s love to wash over me again. The words of Alma had sustained me during the trial of my faith, and I had come through it more willing to do the Lord’s work and humbled that words written hundreds of years ago had been meant for me.